How to start developing confidence in your teens
It’s an exciting time being a teenager. The whole world is beginning to open up and the curve of change is exponential. Year upon year and sometimes moment upon moment the new information and opportunities available can be both exhilarating and terrifying.
When you are younger your whole world revolves around your parents and home life; in your teenage years this shifts. Of course your parents and families will always be hugely important to you. But your main orientation for guidance and where you spend most of your time can start to shift.
Friends, girlfriends & boyfriends become more important to you and may overtake the number one spot that your parents used to hold.
This can be a real battle for control. Parents can be fearful of that change in orientation and fights can erupt.
The thing is if you take your moral cues, and the opinions and point of authority from your peers as opposed to your parents this can create huge change in your life in a very short space of time. It’s scary for parents when they see they are no longer the strongest voice in your life. Like it or not your parents love you and want the best for you. They may not always know the best way to show you, or to do it, however the intention is strong.
Believe it or not your peer group does not necessarily have your best interest at heart, their own interests will usually win out.
Now if this group’s opinion and approval is suddenly of paramount importance to you, it can create huge behavioural change both positive and negative. A lot of the following challenges you might be facing are exacerbated by looking to your peers instead of your parents.
- Self esteem
- Self worth
- Body image
- Self confidence
- School achievement
- Cyber addiction
- Smoking/ drinking/ drug use
- Teen Pregnancy
- Underage Sex
- Pushing back against parental authority
- Peer-Pressure and Competition
So what is the solution? You can’t be looking to your parents forever, you need some independence and to start to find your own way, right.
But you want your parents in your life and what they think is important to you.
The solution is to take back your power. Rather than an external orientation whether towards your parents or your peers what you really want is an internal locus of control. You can gain your self worth from you. Not have it tied to what your parents think, or your girlfriend or boyfriend or your friends.
This is the key to building self confidence and building self esteem.
If how we feel is tied to whether a girl returns our greeting or we have the right kind of shoes on we have given given our power away. We are at the mercy of other people’s choices. We are up and down like yoyo’s and if all our self confidence and self worth is tied to that, we are tremendously vulnerable. The reality is we all want to do the best we can, please the ones we love and make a difference in our own way and that has to be created from within.
As a teenager you start realising that you can’t rely on your parents for everything anymore however you can’t rely on your peers to fill that space either. You are the only one that can create the life you want and that means looking at your own thoughts, and values and what is driving your behaviours.
So how do you do it?
Family Coaching offers sessions that specifically work with you and your parents to support this process. It allows you to take ownership of your choices, your direction and your goals. It also supports your parents to follow what they want and achieve their parenting goals. The process step by step builds self confidence and self worth. It brings everyone onto the same page taking responsibility and creating the family life that you want and that works for you.